'Blimey...I'm a writer!'John Townsend
John Townsend is one of the most prolific, brilliant and humorous authors I've had the privilege of working with, here John talks about his early career and the books and plays that he has written.
John Townsend is one of the most prolific, brilliant and humorous authors I've had the privilege of working with. His manuscripts materialised before I’d even finished the commissioning process - a testament to his enthusiasm, creativity, speed, and passion. Together, we developed many memorable titles, but the Live from the Crypt series stands out to me as a true classic and example of John's superb writing...
Live from... St. George’s Chapel, Windsor
...The idea for the Live From The Crypt books was sparked as I stood in the nave of St. George’s Chapel, Windsor, shortly after the marriage of Meghan Markle to HRH Prince Harry - I was looking at a tombstone in the floor, reflecting on the peculiar company the characters from history: Henry VIII, Jane Seymour, and Charles I were sharing in the afterlife, as they were cooped up in a vault below my feet along with one of Queen Anne's many tragically stillborn babies...to be able to eavesdrop on these conversations, now there's an idea!
The royal family and everyone else had lost track of Charles I's body after his execution, there had been rumours that his son Charles II might have reburied his father's remains in Westminster Abbey as James I/VI had had his mother, Mary, Queen of Scots remains moved in 1611 from Peterborough Cathedral after he had become king of England as well as Scotland in1603. The construction of a mausoleum at St. George’s Chapel initiated by George III in 1813 was when the crypt containing Henry VIII and Jane Seymour, along with two additional coffins was discovered. The third coffin had Charles’s name and the year of his death 1649, with the skull detached from the body, confirming it was indeed Charles. The fourth was a tiny coffin containing a stillborn child of Queen Anne.
All four coffins remained in their resting place beneath St. George’s Chapel. In 1837, King William IV decided that a marble slab be placed above this crypt, engraved with the names of the four royals and, except for the child, the years of their deaths.
I had just republished A Very Peculiar History Royal Weddings "with added Megan Markle' (originally published ahead of Prince William's marriage to Catherine Middleton in 2011) by Fiona MacDonald and delighted to see it was being sold in the St George's Chapel shop. This book along with the book of Life Sized Animal tracks by John which had been advertised in The Bookseller.
Life From The Crypt
That concept - chat shows hosted from the tombs of historical celebrities - the adage 'Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,' famously attributed to Thomas Edison, holds timeless wisdom, especially in collaborative work. It underscores a critical truth: having an idea is merely the spark, but the real challenge lies in fanning that spark into a steady flame through diligent effort, planning, and execution and this idea was handed over to John, who infused it with his signature wit and edge, writing books that are wildly entertaining and delightfully quirky for children. The fantastic comic book style of Rory Walker brought the concept to life, giving the series a bold, comic-strip edginess...Ideal for reluctant readers.
John’s path to becoming a writer
John’s path to becoming a writer is as intriguing as his stories. From his early days as a teacher writing stories to engage reluctant readers to his prolific career as a writer of over 350 published works, John’s journey has been driven by his passion for storytelling and his connection with young audiences. Whether weaving humour into ghostly tales, turning historical figures into compelling characters, or even researching the peculiarities of animal poo for his books, John’s work is always fresh, engaging, and infused with a touch of mischief.
This interview offers a fascinating insight into John’s writing process, his inspirations, and his knack for making history, humour, and storytelling irresistible to readers of all ages...
...so I asked
John, how did it all begin?
Writing children’s books came about more by accident than design – with some desperation thrown in. As a young teacher in a large comprehensive school, I was responsible for teaching ‘Remedial English’. My classroom shelves were devoid of any books that would spark a glimmer of interest in non-readers, reluctant readers or even me. Lads of a certain age had no interest in the usual literature fare but dribbled with excitement at tractors, scrambler bikes and sportscars. So I made up a few stories about such in a desperate attempt to hold attention.
‘Sir, why don’t you do a story about your Morris Minor?’
Then came the immortal words: ‘Sir, why don’t you do a story about your Morris Minor?’ Instant laughter. Yes, they all found my little old motor a giggle, especially when I had to crank it to life with a starting handle one day just as the school bus drove past. So, I penned a sinister yarn about a jinxed Morris Minor, which seemed to get some approval from a handful of teenagers. “Why don’t you publish it, sir?”
However, could I do that? There followed months of sending off various manuscripts and getting standard responses ‘unfortunately this is not the sort of material we are currently seeking.’ Eventually, one rejection showed a glimmer. ‘However, the story of the car is of possible interest if you are prepared to make a number of considerable changes…’
To be honest, I was happy to change anything – a Faustian pact to get published seemed perfectly acceptable. This particular publisher produced a small series called Spirals (where Julia Donaldson started with me, no less), aimed at older reluctant readers and the vocabulary had to be carefully controlled - so an editor went through every sentence on the phone to adjust anything tricky. It took hours and was painful but I was learning fast. They changed the title but I went with it. Lo and behold, ‘Beware The Morris Minor’ was born and dropped through the letter box months later. I rushed to show my class. They smiled encouragingly, bless them. “So what will you write next, sir?”
Funny they should ask – the publishers had just asked the same. Blimey – I was a writer!
I went on to edit Spirals Plays for many years and found myself working with different publishers in the UK and USA. Reluctantly, I gave up teaching to focus on writing projects fulltime. Neither my old car nor the book editions remain but they served me well.
Over 40 years later, having published books every year since Morris Minor, I’ve clocked up about 350 titles – many very short ‘easy readers’ and reading schemes for schools, as well as picture books for toddlers, fiction, plays, poems and non-fiction for all ages. David Salariya gave me a new lease of life with all sorts of random/outrageous/exciting suggestions and the books kept emerging. They still do. It’s been a real blast!
DS How do you keep your writing fresh across different genres?
JT Keeping writing original, different and lively is always a challenge. While I often like to visit familiar themes (eg ‘gothic’ stories, natural history and environmental topics), tackling these from various angles and throwing in unexpected ingredients can hopefully keep the writing fresh and innovative. Like that common question ‘where do you get your ideas?’ (alas, you can’t always find them in Waitrose), I suppose it’s all down to keeping a permanent lookout, keeping those creative antennae twitching and having a notepad by the bed.
DS What’s the hardest part of writing for younger readers?
JT Good question… all of it! I suppose, in my case, it’s keeping that inner child alive and sparking. Writing engaging prose without being condescending or too wordy is a constant challenge. Keeping up-to-date and in-touch with what’s engaging/enthusing/concerning children in different circumstances is tricky but school visits are a great way of ‘tuning in’. Some of my ideas for books have come directly from conversations with young readers.
This book came out of a conversation with a girl librarian who told me she was ‘different’.
I was hooked and I kept her voice in mind while writing a rather quirky story.
DS Do you prefer writing funny or spooky stories?
JT My preference is to weave funny and spooky threads together. I think they both go well alongside each other, as twists of light and dark can make an enjoyable contrast.
DS What makes a joke work in a book?
JT Another good question! A joke on the page tends to be a different animal from a spoken gag, which relies on the teller delivering the punchline in just the right way. If an illustrator gets the right expression in a cartoon to go with a line, the joke can work far better than I imagined. I’m sure some of my funny lines don’t work as well as I’d intended and I can always tell if an editor has tinkered with the rhythm of a joke – which can easily ruin its effectiveness.
DS What’s your favourite joke from your books?
JT When talking in schools about climate change and polar bears I can never resist telling the joke from my animal joke book – because it can take a while for the penny to drop, even after I explain it:
A polar bear goes into a fish and chip shop, strolls up to the counter and says, “I’ll have a large cod and chips and……… hmmm………………….hmmm…….. a pickled onion.”
The woman behind the counter asks, “Why the enormous pause?”
The polar bear shrugs, “I dunno. I’ve always had them.”
Of course, the bear needs a funny voice when the joke is told aloud. That’s my excuse, anyway!
I quite like a rhyme I wrote in my book of wacky verse: Tickling with Words:
‘I’ve tried to write a lot of puns to make you laugh and smirk;
The ones about bone-idle kids - I can never make them work!’
I audaciously adapted one of Ken Dodd’s jokes and called it Crustaceans in Love:
‘When a lobster tried to woo a crab, their claws locked in a tussle.
The crab escaped and amorous grab, while the lobster pulled a mussel.’
Because of its ‘ticklishness’ I sent a copy of my book to the late Ken Dodd. He kindly wrote back: What a wonderful book, full of fun and optimism. I am certainly enjoying dipping in and out of it. Very creative and how tickled I am to have it!
A proud moment.
DS How do you research for Live from the Crypt?
JT Just for the record, Live from the Crypt is a series of imagined chat shows where daytime tv presenters broadcast from the tombs of historical characters for a gathering on the sofa of celebrity departed. The fantastic Rory Walker illustrates the lot via comic strips and much else. This was our lockdown project of about ten books so the result is probably extra wacky having been developed in solitary confinement. Quick aside regarding all my wonderful illustrators – I’ve had the best and I’m in awe of their craft. However, back to the question… research usually involves plenty of online reading (reliable articles, of course), museum sites and image libraries along with whatever is out there to light a spark.
DS Which historical figure was the most fun to write about?
JT Shocking though it may seem, I have a soft spot for the notorious pirate Blackbeard. He was great fun to research and write and, although much of the historical record is patchy, I delighted in filling in some of the gaps in my own wickedly mischievous way. Ooh argh (again, pirate speak is totally fictitious but we still love it).
DS How do you make ghost stories spooky but not too scary?
JT This is a tricky one as readers tend to vary a lot as to what they find scary. One person’s hooting owl is another’s nightmare! I suppose occasional humour and the power of suggestion (rather than explicit horror) can be the key to acceptable spookiness. Although less is often more, I’m probably guilty of over-creepy now and again. Sorry for nightmares.
DS What’s your proudest moment as an author?
JT I’m always chuffed when someone tells me they enjoyed a book but even more so if it has helped to get a non-reader started with reading. But I have to admit to a warm glow of pride when my parents were in the theatre audience at one of my plays on tour with a professional company. Fortunately it got a reasonable review in the press and from them!
DS How do you capture the magic of Christmas in your books?
JT Christmas has a lot going for it as it is with all that anticipation, mounting excitement, happy reunions, surprises and winter wonderland – so I guess adding a splash of mystery from Santa in the mix along with sparkly humour… and the magic keeps twinkling!
DS What’s your favourite part of The Christmas Chronicles?
JT Spoiler alert – this is a book of nightly bedtime stories through December, ending on Christmas Eve as Santa arrives. Although I enjoy some of the jingles, rhymes and silly Santa songs, I’m pleased to include a mention of children in hospital over Christmas, as I’d been there myself aged six (allowed home for a couple of days). It’s a powerful lasting memory.
DS How do you decide which jokes make it into your books?
JT If it fits, I’ll use it! If, on redrafting, I think a funny line seems a bit forced… it gets the chop.
The cutting room floor is littered with one-liners and abysmal puns.
DS Do you test your jokes on others?
JT I’m afraid so. Having performed in many pantomimes, each year I slip in a few one-liners to see what the reaction is from the audience. Having said that, even if they groan half-heartedly, I’ll probably still use a bad joke if it makes me smile.
DS What’s the most surprising thing you’ve learned while writing/researching?
JT Some people’s passion for poo is staggering! When asked to write Life-sized Animal Poo, I hadn’t a clue where to begin so I contacted various places (museums and zoos especially) to ask indelicate questions, often to be met with overwhelming excitement. The Poo Museum on the Isle of Wight was brilliant at finding specimens (lion poo, notably) in their freezer and photographing it next to a tape measure. Adalaide Zoo sent me images of giant panda stools, delighting in pointing out the various colours, textures and sizes according to which type of bamboo had been digested. Probably too much information – but surprisingly fascinating!
DS Which of your characters would you love to meet?
JT That’s a great question, even though it feels as if I haven’t just met some of my characters but lived with them 24/7 while writing their stories. I would certainly like to meet many of the real characters from history I’ve written about – too many to mention.
I’d like to meet Fin, a boy in my novel The Stone Balancer, mainly to reassure him everything will turn out OK eventually. Without giving too much away, he has a particular disability so I met with a group of youngsters like him to give me an insight into his world. They were brilliant.
Weirdly, while teaching, I not only met one of my characters, but was killed by him! My short story Death On Toast began as a play, which I directed and acted in a couple of times. Both young actors who played the teenage boy in the story became well-known actors and I suppose you could say their portrayal of my character brought him to life… so I met him each night on stage. I can’t say I loved meeting him because he’s a pretty sinister character (my own fault!).
I’d quite like to meet Barney (Barra in his Irish form) to see how he’s getting on across the Irish Sea in his new guise. Alas, I can’t understand a word of what he says in any of the translations he appears in.
DS Do you do school visits...of course you do!
JT Yes – I must have visited hundreds of schools around the country over the years and could write a book about my experiences. I get a lot of ideas from talking to school groups – and young children are great at telling you exactly what they think! Having once been a writer in residence and storyteller in a primary school treehouse, I’ve had the privilege of trying out all sorts of material. I’ve also visited prisons to promote reading.
DS What inspired you to write the series The Curse of the Speckled Monster?
JT I have long admired Edward Jenner (and young James Phipps on whom he experimented in 1796) in his work to rid the world of dreaded smallpox - the speckled monster). A gothic tale of gallows & graverobbers and ‘The Twist of the Hangman’ grew out of a book I read about the real Oliver Twist (a boy called Robert Blincoe). So I couldn’t resist beginning with a line of which Dickens would surely approve: Being dead came as a terrible surprise.
DS How did you approach writing about something as serious as smallpox?
JT Having researched diseases for a series I wrote called The Painful History of Medicine, I’ve long-been fascinated by the advances made in the 18th & 19th centuries in our understanding of medical science. The eventual eradication of deadly smallpox in 1980 due to vaccines was such a triumph that I’ve returned to the topic many times. So many myths and superstitions were rife about disease in Victorian times that I felt a ‘Dickensian yarn’ set in the backstreets of London was a suitably scary world to explore – but with an ultimately positive outcome of hope. The end of smallpox and other deadly viruses is one of our great achievements so I wanted to approach a dark subject with a shaft of light.
DS What advice would you give to new authors?
JT Keep at it. Try not to be daunted by setbacks, sticking points and inevitable struggles. If anyone tells you writing is easy and their work ‘writes itself’ just smile. No pain, no gain! Putting work aside for a while then coming back with fresh eyes is always useful – then reading it aloud (as well as ‘read aloud’ text option) lets you hear the rhythm & music of each sentence - a great help for self-editing. A good walk or a long bath can do wonders in giving those creative juices a boost.
DS What’s next on your writing list?
JT Being involved in local theatre as well as recording podcasts for visually impaired listeners, I have a few scripts awaiting attention (for grown-ups) but I need to get on with the final manuscript in a series of illustrated animal books for children. These are a mix of sciency information with fun cartoon strips to show how it’s ‘tough to be a……’ (whatever the species happens to be for that chapter). Another illustrated book on animal lifecycles is on its way and, as always, ideas keep buzzing – due for a good swat anytime soon.
An old favourite first published by The Salariya Book Company and republished in 2025 by Hatch, an imprint of Bonnier UK.
Thank you, John, for sharing the fascinating and insightful journey through your career as a teacher, author, and creative force in children’s writing. Your ability to infuse humour, wit, and accessibility into subjects as varied as historical chat shows, spooky tales, and even the peculiarities of animal poo is nothing short of remarkable!
John Townsend author,
Live from the Crypt series,
children’s book authors,
creative writing for kids,
humorous children’s books,
historical fiction for children,
reluctant readers books,
funny and spooky stories for kids,
animal-themed children’s books,
teaching creative writing,
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